SUMMERTRENCH AND KITTEN HEELS

THE ART OF RECEIVING

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I don’t know if you‘ve ever experienced that feeling of genuineness that just lets you be. I personally struggled with that quite a lot and what I mean by that is that I’ve always been used to giving and had a hard time receiving. It made me super uncomfortable. And while there wasn’t even much to take - saying yes to that extra drink, or that piece of cake or that breakfast invite would secretly leave me feeling indebted. Like I owed something in return.

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Let's take a walk down memory lane here:

About two years ago, a guy I‘ve spent an evening with in Paris invited me to breakfast the next morning. Instead of food, we sat down for coffee in a French café across the street. Because we were still hungry, we decided to grab a kebab we‘d both been craving.

(In case anyone can relate to what‘s following now, I‘d appreciate knowing I‘m not the only one. Comment section is open)

The moment we ordered, I pulled out my credit card as if it were a game show and pushed it towards the card machine as though something inside me had to win the game of "Mil the Ungrateful".

Just minutes later,

I didn't feel relief - I felt weird.

Hadn't he just invited me to breakfast after spending the night at my place? And why is it that they always look just as confused as you feel inside? (Whereas I have to say that this individual appeared surprisingly comfortable benefiting from my “generosity” and “independence” only seconds later.)

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It’s a weird dynamic I could never quite make sense of, let alone figure out how to avoid it. I went out with guys after that experience and let them invite me, pay for stuff, just take what was being offered to me. I always said thank you and made sure they knew just how muuuuch I appreciated the gesture. Because of course - no one loves a freeloader.

And don’t get me wrong: I love to give. But that was never the issue.

The issue was that I equated

receiving with owing.

And it didn't just make me uncomfortable, it made them uncomfortable too.

While we would probably frame this as an issue of self-love and self-respect, this time it's about something else. What this story is really about is that I finally got the chance to get closer to this unsolvable riddle that made me wonder why I couldn't let a man „provide“ for me. And honestly, the answer was much simpler than i thought.

Sincerity. Again, genuineness.

It’s really that simple.

You‘ve surely heard the saying: "I don’t need a man to do things for me, but I choose one who wants to."

I recently got the chance to encounter a man who was authentically ready to give. It wasn't a big deal for him to pick me up. He suggested it and simply did it. We drove to a restaurant he picked, and I wasn't even hestitating to ask for dessert - my mind was not overthinking it.

This man genuinely gave me the reassurance I needed to finally accept the things I could only hardly accept the many times before. And while I had been picked up before, invited to dinner before, gone out for drinks before -

the difference was not in

the material offerings,

but in how they were offered.

And something inside me shifted. From survival mode, from performing to, well, just - being. Without even actively trying to get there.

After the Uber he called brought me home, it dawned on me: I was out there having fun. And it didn't matter whether I payed a single cent (which I didn't).

This dynamic, this man, made it feel safe for me to accept what was being offered - sincerely, simply, because he wanted to. And I met him with the same sincerity and gratitude - and a willingness to allow it.

I began to wonder whether this is what good signs in dating are supposed to feel like. As Mary J. Blige once put it: „I feel so lady“.

And as I sit on my bathroom floor typing this, realizing that this might be a tiny little big step in Mil's dating history, I remember me walking carefree -

in a summer trench and kitten heels.